March 2020 | Alyssa Rosenheck Shares How to Actively Support Women this month and every day with Forbes!

The theme this month is highlighting ways women can support one another. I was recently included in Forbes and I am honored to share my thoughts below. This is a daily reminder of courage, truth, unity, equality, representation, being brave and showing up when times are hard!! 

Madeleine Albright said it best: “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.”  Which leads me to my sentiment - let’s stop getting in the way of another woman’s success and be part of her community.

I have personally witnessed both sides of this coin, to the point that on some days, this “special place” has a DMV style line wrapped around the door. However, I also see how simple acts of support for our female comrades can really change the trajectory for all involved. So, in honor of International Women’s Day (and the women in my life), let’s explore how to champion one another this month and every month moving forward.

To me, this is a mind-body-soul approach: a holistic strategy with actionable steps for women to support one another in all arenas and especially in business. Xx - AR

VERBAL

THE POWER OF WORDS

Words have power– deep, lasting forward moving power. How are you using your words? To uplift, champion, strengthen, and encourage another woman? The best way to find out is to look within. Decisions, actions, words, feelings–they all can be traced down to two things: fear or love. And when it’s love, our words are supportive, abundant, encouraging, idea generating and it is life giving...and the more you give, the more you get. So before you open your mouth (or take to your keyboard), pause to check in. Are these words coming from a place of fear or love?  How can you use words–spoken, typed, sung, written, or otherwise–to energetically uplift, INCLUDE, and empower another woman or sisterhood?

DIG DEEPER THAN CANCEL CULTURE & KNOCK THE GOSSIP

How many conversations do you have that are centered around gossip concerning other women? The idea that nothing bonds women faster than a shared enemy is a detrimental trope and social crutch. The only good thing about gossip? It helps us see clearly what relationships are toxic and surface-level. In my experience, healthier relationships are directly correlated to conversations centering around dreams, showing up for one another, what showing up means to the relationship, and the future visions we have for life. I also unfollow accounts who are using their social media platforms to hurt, disparage, or negatively bring attention to another woman.

Let’s start initiating confidence-building conversations around goals, ideas, and creativity. This is what The New Southern is all about – sharing light and following our creativity as a path to greater connection, community and  to one another. Then: don’t aid and abet the trash-talk. In the end, no one wins, especially women as a whole. Embody the empathy and compassion you’d like to see by saying, “Let’s reach out to her, let’s see what we can do.” There’s never one side to the story. Make space for another woman to share hers.

Speak Up | SHOW UP

We all have a platform. It doesn’t matter the size, it only matters how we use our voice, The New Southern is a place where we are humanizing our differences through the lens of creativity. It is a space documenting how all sorts of creative tools tell us we are more alike than different. Look for ways to get involved with your community. What is currently breaking your heart? - start there to heal our way forward at a local level. Our differences are not meant for us to revert back to our tribes - we need to remember we are part of one big human family. Lead with content of your character and ensure we all have a seat at the table. Xx

Financial

FINANCIALLY FORWARD

The first thing you can do for other women is to  be financially independent yourself and share what you learn. Start by initiating conversations about money, whether it’s salary, investment, real estate, day rates, passive income, retirement, goals, fair compensation, wealth management, taxes, or ANY other area of your financial picture you want. (Even the nitty-gritty of billing, particularly for entrepreneurs and creatives alike!) For every conversation you have about fashion, or emotions, or life, or love, or work, or business, how many do you have about finance? Keep financial topics at the top of the list, because much like life pivots, it’s important for those who have gone through it to share their experience. Together, we get to rewrite the script when it comes to women and finance. Here are some resources to get started:

• Ellevest
  An investment platform for and by women (with an excellent online magazine and newsletter). 

• Vimvest
  An app that helps you save, invest, and/or give, so you can customize and optimize your financial goals and strategy.

• Clever Girl Finance
  An educational resource that takes the form of a blog, podcast, YouTube channel, and even courses you can take. (Plus, give them a follow on Instagram for a little antidote to the swipe-ups encouraging you to spend.) 

• $he Spends
  A radical, inclusive resource that harnesses the power of community to strengthen women’s financial futures. They emphasize “fostering community, rather than competition” and “call in > call out” with their private Facebook group.
  

SHOP, SHARE & SUPPORT FEMALE BUSINESSES

1. Shop: Get to know your community! Explore local, women-owned business and make them your go-to.

2. Share: Word of mouth is powerful. When you find something good–let people know.

3. Support: Use your own platform to shed light on women who are inspiring you. This can take so many forms: from something simple like a #FollowFriday on social media, to hosting pop-ups and artist residencies, to large-scale campaign collaborations. For me, support means looking for ways to use my own platform and voice to champion other women, shed light on those who inspire me and be a resource in the community.

RELATIONAL

TURN CONFLICT INTO AN OPPORTUNITY TO CONNECT

Dig in beyond the initial knee-jerk reactions. Both parties must look within to see and understand their own triggers, motivations, insecurities, and strengths, which makes it easier to look across the aisle with compassion. Perhaps there’s more in common there than you realized? Perhaps the person is a mirror for further healing needing to take place. This kind of empathy paves the way for diplomacy, negotiation, and compromise, and in the end, a strengthened bond. Women can move mountains, build cities, start initiatives together when we hold each other accountable in soft, compassionate, and unprejudiced ways.

How to cultivate these skills? Self awareness - journaling, meditation, therapy, and alignment practices will all reveal the best path forward starting with ourselves and others.

ACTIVELY ASK

Take the guesswork out of the heart work.  Whether you’re ending or starting a conversation with another woman, simply ask: “How can I best support you?” and then show up.

Join the Movement. For more soul-sparking stories from The New Southern along with upcoming book tour dates and speaking engagements, sign up for my newsletter!

Welcome to a New Decade | A Note From Alyssa to You for the New Year

Happy New Year. Happy New You. I approach each year with permission to grow. To redefine who I want to be in this world –a world that is always changing. I think it is important for us to take stock in what served us and our communities in 2019, and then release the rest. This year is already coming to the table with a palpable energy and I want us, together, to move into who we are meant to be each day. Visualize us holding hands as we put one foot in front of another to own our truth and live from our most authentic selves. I did this when I was shooting my book. With each portrait I took, each city I traveled to, and each word I wrote, I visualized that I had a collective force of strong women beside me, supporting me. I had you next to me, and the words I wrote are for you. My newsletter is going to be an organic flow of thoughts, inspiration, and passion, and will incorporate courageous individuals who are challenging us to grow and think a little deeper. Today, as you read the words that follow, I want you to know you are seen, you are loved, and I am beyond grateful for you and your support. Happy New Year, Sweet Souls. Xx - AR

COMMUNITY SPOTLIGHT: Amy Sherald

People producing new work that challenges us to unite and grow #TheNewSouthern

Headshot by ©Jordan Geiger, courtesy of Amy Sherald and Hauser & Wirth.
Artwork: First Lady Michelle Obama by Amy Sherald, oil on linen. Photo ©National Portrait Gallery.

Born in Columbus, GA, and based in Baltimore, MD, Amy Sherald is an artist whose work radiates the spirit of The New Southern movement. By now, you probably know her for her portrait of former First Lady Michelle Obama, which hangs in the National Portrait Gallery. 

But even before the 2018 unveiling of the portrait, Sherald spent decades diligently chasing her light and creating an authentic, powerful body of work out of the spotlight, all despite a heart transplant, caring for ill family members, and waiting tables to make ends meet. 

Her work, contemporary portraiture exploring black identity through nuanced portraits, provides an important perspective and the chance for young artists to see themselves represented in a powerful way. Since being hurled into the spotlight, Sherald has emphasized that for her, the highlight of mainstream recognition has been the opportunity to inspire and empower young people. In a 2018 interview with Hyperallergic she said:

“. . . just having the power to expand the minds of our youth is really the best part about all of this. . .We’re not growing up in West Baltimore saying ‘I want to be an artist,’ and if they are, it’s squashed by the time they’re in the 11th grade. It’s not a reality. I’m hoping that with my presence as a Black woman in the art world that those kinds of things can change, too.”

 Sherald’s work, her dedication, and her voice are inspiring a new generation of creatives, particularly women, to be fearless, pioneering, bold, and authentic. She stands as a reminder that when we chase our own light, it illuminates the path for others as well.

NEW LENS: eco-conscious

An opportunity for us to think outside the box with curiosity and questions 

Speaking of inspiring youth: Greta Thunberg, a fearless 16-year-old and TIME’s 2019 Person of the Year, has brought the climate conversation to the forefront this year with her mighty efforts to remind those in power that a younger generation has to live with the decisions we make today. Start here to read more about Greta, then push your climate curiosity further by digging in to resources like this piece from the New York Times to see how your day-to-day creates lasting impacts. You can even use this calculator from The Nature Conservancy to measure your own carbon footprint.

What’s next? What can you do now, not just as an individual but as a small business? Look to examples like The Better Packaging Co., which has created a sustainable alternative to shipping materials for e-commerce businesses. Innovative companies like this are paving the way for modern brands to prove they’re true players in what The Better Packaging Co. calls “The New Eco-nomy.”  A few ways to create small change as a small business next year: swapping out your packaging, switching to more sustainably sourced materials, and minimizing or balancing business air travel with carbon offsets. 

Bottom Photo: ©A Better Packaging Co

Join the Movement. For more soul-sparking stories from The New Southern along with upcoming book tour dates and speaking engagements, sign up for my newsletter!

My Birthday Wish | Celebrate Every Day

This is Thirty Eight and I feel like I am just getting started. Each day, I wake up and celebrate the small wins despite living in a culture that tells us we aren’t enough or to only celebrate ourselves once a year. These daily victories look something like…. being comfortable in my skin, being courageous, speaking my truth, embracing fear as a tool, giving myself permission to fail and make mistakes, pursuing curiosity, shedding light on a palpable humanity with my projects, believing in a vision greater than myself… all while being unwavering with my dreams. This past year was complex for me both personally and professionally. I birthed a book in 2019, leveled up my businesses, letting those who weren’t supporting my growth go, while welcoming those who reciprocated encouragement in, I dove in deeper into my own spirituality, explored issues about social injustices which I am still continuing to pursue and most important I learned to slow down and be still.

Today is my birthday and my one birthday wish is for each of you to treat your day as if it is your birthday too. This means we need to be gentle with ourselves today, appreciate our small wins, find gratitude for everything we have and to find ways to be a little more kind and of service to those who cross our path. I am waking up with a grateful heart and appreciate all 13,878 days I have been on this earth. These are the moments that have made me who I am and although it hasn’t all been roses, I wouldn’t change a thing. Continue to give yourselves permission to grow, connect and create. Xx

Disable your ad blocking software to view this content.

Thriving Through The Holidays | Alyssa Rosenheck's Tips to Reverse Engineer Seasonal Struggles

‘Tis the season for all things joyous: twinkling lights, snow-capped trees, steaming hot chocolate, family time by the fire and the sweet laughter of children frolicking through tinsel. But, PUMP the breaks! Let’s be real: it is also the season of heightened stress, social anxiety, blurred boundaries, over-drinking and all out exhaustion. So let’s reverse engineer the holidays. By shining a light on the shadows, head on, we can map out a path through the hardest parts of the season together, and with kindness and love in mind for ourselves and others. You know my approach — have a plan and work the plan. First up: naming our shadows. 

If you are dealing with. . .

if you are dealing with Difficult Boundaries:

Heading home for the holidays can mean run-ins with an overbearing aunt, a racist in-law or the old hometown bully, which can stir up unwanted triggers.

My Tip:

First, try to create holiday traditions with those who fill your emotional cup! Visualize what this looks like for you. Second, when we have uncomfortable holiday run ins, boundaries and self-care are essential. Recognize: Hurt people hurt others. Anybody who acts out by defying boundaries needs love the most. This does not mean you have to put yourself in the line of fire; emotional boundaries are essential. 

When you may be in environments that remind you of a triggering past, do an emotional body scan and check in: How do I feel? Am I nervous because I haven’t seen them in 10 years? Or am I nervous because they’re hurtful? Does this give me energy? Does this drain me? Removing yourself from the line of fire is an act towards self-care.

I have loved the evolution of self-help and self-love resources transitioning from books and offices to blogs and Instagram- while it’s no replacement for professional treatment, a small, kind reminder when you open your phone can can be just the nudge you need some days. Some of my personal favorites are:

• Dr. Nicole LePera | @The.Holistic.psychologist 

• Amanda E. White | @therapyforwomen 

• Vienna Pharaon | @mindfulmft

• Lalah Delia | @Lalahdelia 

• ALEXANDRA ELL | @ALEX_ELLE

• YUNG PUEBLO | @YUNG_PUEBLO

• ASHLEY NEESE | @ASHLEY_NEESE

if you are dealing with Drinking as a Distraction:

Moderation in all things is how I like to guide this principle. This time of year we have an influx of holiday parties, gatherings and dinner obligations. The downside to drinking consistently comes with dehydration, mental fog, poor skin, and all around fatigue mixed with already packed schedules. I am a two drink maximum kind of gal and I limit my intake once every few weeks for many reasons with the top priority being able to wake up the next morning having a clear and creative mind.

My Tip 

Whatever the reason, it is valid to take a step back at this time of year with consumption. One of my favorite hydrating and healthy alternatives is hot water with lemon, which any bar will have. Another reliable classic is soda with a splash of citrus. Or mix it up with whatever is on hand — tonic with a candy cane, club soda with pomegranate juice and fresh mint, sparkling water and bitters. You may find a new favorite that doesn’t leave you with an emotional and physical hangover. 

IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH OVERSPENDING:

Instead of wanting for more, let's flip the switch and let abundance come from what you have in your life. Now is a great time of year to go through your closet, donate to women’s shelters and other organizations close to your heart and really take stock of what you can share, whatever that looks like to you.  

My Tip

This year, Ben and I are taking a new approach. Between gifted items generously sent to me and events that have prompted me to expand my wardrobe, the amount of material items in my home and life have quantitatively increased. And, while I am beyond grateful for the experiences, I am feeling a little weighed down by consumption right now. So we are doing a gift-free Christmas and opting to volunteer instead. For families with children, volunteering is the perfect opportunity to get them involved from the start, to spend quality time together, to ground yourself and to remind yourself just how much you have. 

• MOTHER TO MOTHER - clothing donations

• VOLUNTEER MATCH - EASY WAY TO CONNECT PEOPLE TO CAUSES

IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH Emotional Eating: 

Two things abound during the holidays: stress and indulgences. It’s easy to get caught up in emotional eating, only to feel worse when it’s all said and done. Whether it stems from loneliness, boredom, packed schedules, anxiety, or insecurity, take the cue and remind yourself to check in on your well-being. 

My Tip

To get through the moment, start at the root. Do a whole-body scan. Check in, be present. Ask yourself: Why am I eating? Am I hungry? If you’re not, then go deeper: Why am I comforting myself? What is it I need to work through? Use this opportunity to flag latent anxieties, traumas and stressors you can tackle when the time is right. 

To get through the event, day, or season, have a plan and work the plan. I never go to big events hungry. If it’s a big holiday party, I’ll go half-full and eat something healthy before. That way, if I just have dessert there, that’s fine. Healthy snacks I like to keep on hand are: raw almonds, apples with almond butter, popcorn, pre-made proteins aka grilled chicken in the fridge, RX bars, and sunflower seeds keep me energized while I am on the go.

if you are dealing with Social Anxiety:

If you get anxious looking at a packed calendar of events, you are not alone. I still get nervous in a large room of people. But I find it helps to make it about connecting, not performing or impressing. Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to hide our flaws and have picture-perfect experiences that we forget what the gathering was all about in the first place — connecting, being present, and love. 

My Tip

Focus on finding a loving connection; it’s easier than you think. (Remember, the easiest conversation starter is simply getting people to talk about themselves!) A simple question can spark a rich, heartfelt conversation. Prepare by thinking of a few subjects important to you, and ask people around you about them. If you make your goal to be 100% authentic to yourself, it takes the pressure off performing and neutralizes social anxiety. You can leave at the end of the night knowing you met your goal by simply being yourself. 

CONVERSATION STARTERS:

• What did joy look like for you in 2019?

• what was your greatest lesson learned in 2019?

• happy new year!! what are you most looking forward in 2020?

• what do you want more of or less in 2020?

• and the staple, where are you from? this is the start to a great life story!

if you are dealing with Stress + Exhaustion:

A side effect of many of the previously mentioned struggles, stress and exhaustion seem to get everyone eventually, whether it’s due to overindulging, packed schedules, emotional battles, or everything all at once. The antidote to stress and exhaustion is stillness. This is self care’s time to shine. 

My Tip

These are my go-to principles, day after day, holiday season or not. By engineering small moments into your day to pause, reflect and restore, you can mitigate stress from the start. Start your morning with an intention along with how you are showing up for yourself. In the afternoon, pause for breathwork and manage your energy vs. time. Even if you only have time for three deep breaths. Evaluate: what’s energizing you? What’s depleting you? How can you manage your energy to expand what’s fueling you? Then, in the evening, restore with water. Use a shower or bath as an opportunity for quiet and stillness to take stock of the day. 

if you are dealing with Loneliness:

Holiday loneliness is not a new concept, but in the era of the internet, it is particularly acute. Social media and the internet get a bad reputation. What is your current mood with social media? We are the one’s controlling the output and scroll which can either be inspiring or the cesspool humanity! It is up to us and what we make of the platforms we are using.

My Tip

If you’re finding social media exacerbating loneliness, it’s time to change how we engage. For example, statics show voyeurism while scrolling can be linked with negative social consequences. I like to use social media in a conscious way and encourage others to meaningfully engage with the accounts they follow and support. Reach out and interact in a kind, loving way. Join Facebook groups and events for your interests, try classpass, find a Meetup group near you.  You’ll be surprised and how support garners support. Second, unfollow anything that prompts you to compare or judge or think negatively about yourself or others. Be intentional about what you consume visually and what you engage with.  

The New Southern is a reminder that creativity, our shared interests, even our differences are all opportunities to meaningfully connect. By engaging our curiosity and creativity, we can find connection and inspire others to do the same. 

Disable your ad blocking software to view this content.